There has been a distinct lack of creativity in my life recently. Well, by that I mean 'official' creativity - the kind that makes me money. I'm washed out and washed up. My desire to paint and draw has got up and gone. I've been fighting for 18 months to try and find it again but the truth is I just don't care if I never paint or draw again. I know it all sounds very depressing. But the more I force it the less likely it is to come back.

On a more positive note - the crazy, strange and weird type art is flourishing in my life. Which is very odd for a perfectionist, realistic type artist to say. I don't want to be neat and tidy any more. I want mess and lots of it. I'm contemplating giving up my commissioned work and just playing havoc with my art materials forever. I've spent my life trying to play by the rules and do things the right way. But as no one else is doing so I don't see why I should either. I want to be covered in PVA glue and dimensional paint. I want felt fibres to be permanently stuck under my finger nails. I banish tiny pen and ink dots and wishy watercolours!!!! Meanwhile, back in the real world....

I have included a few pics here of some miniature art I have been doing. I am working on a series of collages of Sam. I find it to be very therapeutic and it's nice to see him in lots of colour. He was a colourful character in life and it is fitting that this memory reflects that. The other two are 1x1 inch squares for a swap and two handmade books for storing my swapped ATCs.

Sam - 1992-2007

My Sam died today. I had to call the vet out to put him to sleep. He had been suffering from muscle weakness and arthritis for a long time but things had been getting worse over the last few weeks. He was having such difficulty keeping upright and couldn't get up without help so I grudgingly felt it was time to call it a day. He was almost 15. During all the times I had been kicked in the head by people, through the loss and the loneliness, he was always there. He was the one 'person' who was always glad to see me. It was unconditional love on both our parts. And, yes, he was a 'person'. Even he thought so. He would stand on his back legs and hang over the garden fence waiting for the bus. Then, when it arrived, all the passengers would wave out at him and he would look disdainfully back at them. Once the bus had gone he would jump down and run off, quite content that he had cheered their lives. He was a local celebrity. Truly the best friend I could have had. I wanted to put a few photos on here so others could see my handsome prince - one in his hey day, one where he proves it is indeed a dog's life and one from last week. He will be sorely missed.

Snow time like the present.

Yeah! We have snow. Just a smattering, and all on the hills, but snow all the same. Pity I've had flu this week. It means I can't go out and breath in that deeply snowy air.

I really must put some new art on here. It's all words and no play at the mo. How about some Oriental ATCs? I made them for my first swap this week.

Sad news

I have just heard that two friends of my family and mine have been found dead in their home. This is a tragedy I never expected to hear. It turns out that Mandy had been very ill with Multiple Sclerosis and I guess she just couldn't take any more. Richard must not have been able to stand the thought of life without her. That's love and devotion that most people cannot understand. It's such a sorry story but at least they are together. They were both lovely people - he was an artist and author and she was bright, kind, active and loved the outdoors. Mandy came round for coffee regularly, and I looked after their chickens when they went on holiday. I was even given a signed copy of Richard's book when they moved away - a treasured possession my sister has tried to pinch from me many times. I have some very nice memories. I hope they have found some peace together. (See http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=53752007)

Stuck in a rut

Why is it that when I want to create a new piece of work I hit a brick wall? Not literally, you understand. It's that white piece of paper. It sits there staring at me threateningly until I put the first mark down. Unfortunately it has been so long since I have done any serious art that I can't even make that first mark with my pen. I am contemplating making my first big collage to try and inspire my artistry to come hither. But I am being threatened by another piece of white paper there too. Maybe I should switch to painting on another colour of paper.

New Year? Bah!!!

So it is the New Year. Last year was a pig. In fact the last 18 months have been a pig. However, 2006 went out with a crash and a bang, as I should have expected. We had terrific storms last night and at about 7.15 there was a terrific crashing, shattering noise. I looked out the bedroom window to find the lid of the coal bunker had blown off and the large rock holding it down (supposedly to stop the wind blowing the lid away) was lying on the back shelf of the car. The wind had caught the lid, lifted it up and catapulted the rock through the window. Talk about mess. And to top it off I had to go out and try and fix up a temporary cover to keep the rain out of the car with huge winds buffeting me - and a poor, wee sparrow that was being blown about like a piece of fluff. Of course, I got up this morning and tripped over a tube of posters I am storing for my sister. Then my PC wouldn't start. What does this mean for the coming year? I dread to think.

I have to get back on track with my art. I have a couple of commissions in the pipeline and I have to get my head into the right mode. Still not sure how I'm going to do that but I said I would do the work and the work will be done! Been doing a few more 1x1 inch squares though. Someone suggested covering boxes with them. I like that idea and as a box hoarder have many boxes to cover. But serious work must come first.

Festive Greetings

Festive greetings to you all. I can't believe the holiday is over. It seemed to be upon me before I realised. I don't do New Year. I hate it with a fiery passion. The whole idea that things might be different in a collection of days linked to another collection of days is beyond me. It has always been my experience that things do not change that way unless it is through tragedy. Oh well, there's no accounting for folk, as the saying goes.

Christmas Eve was spent icing the Christmas cake. By the time I was finished the kitchen looked like a snowstorm had hit. What's the deal with icing sugar? It doesn't matter how careful I am with it I still makes a mess. Christmas Day was spent with my family, eating lots and opening presents. It's at times like those that I can't help but think about those who do not have that opportunity and who spend it alone or in less festive circumstances.

I have taken a few photos of some 1x1 inch collage squares that I attempted using miniature prints of my own artwork. The best part of the project was painting the background papers. Lots of fun splashing acrylic paint around. I also added a top coat of walnut stain in places and it made some wonderful colours. Made the reds really rich and the yellows more mellow. It's only my first go so it might take a while to get to the standards of Chrysti (http://chrysti.wordpress.com) or Shari (http://www.creativechatter.blogspot.com). Still, it was fun.

Silky words

I have been dancing with silk paints recently. Well, not literally 'dancing' - the paints are a bit lacking in the leg department. My first attempt was a tie depicting a drunken snowman for a relative. Said relative wore the tie to work today only to be showered with compliments - including kind words from the Countess of Hume. It's not every day ones' work is admired by blue bloods. Do I change directions and take up silk painting full time??? Mmmm. I might wait a while before deciding on that.

Bliss?

I was reading the Creative Chatter blog today (www.creativechatter.blogspot.com) and came across a piece about following your bliss. It was a quote by US folklorist, Joseph Campbell and runs like this:

Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.

Mmmmm - the jury's out on that one. What do you do when your bliss keeps belting you around the head with a length of 2x4? I consider creating to be my 'bliss' whether it be creating friendships, romance, peace, artwork, etc. But it sure aint as comfortable as this guy implies.

Altered way of life

Another frosty morning but the strange thing is that the dandelions and dead nettles are still flowering. The seasons are very strange now. The leaves fell from the flowering currant in my garden and revealed a host of new buds. The Kilmarnock willow is covered in catkins. The sun is way to warm for December - and no sign of a white Christmas. H'rumph!

I have been having a mild flirtation with altered art recently. After more than 20 years of trying to draw and paint in a realistic style I got fed up with it all and wanted to play with colour and texture. Lovely thick acrylic with peaks sticking off the page. Vibrant reds, oranges and greens (and other colours as the mood dictates). Ripping, tearing and grubbying. Paper, card, clay, wire. I guess that is the only good thing about personal disappointments (the trigger for this rejection of all things neat and tidy). It scrubbles your brain and emotions until nothing makes any sense. One year and one and a half months after the end of a platonic friendship that meant the world to me (but who's counting) I still can't get my head back into the mould it should be in - for the sake of my finances if nothing else. I have painted just one proper painting in that time. I wonder if the old me will ever return? Maybe. For the first time in over a year I have felt the desire to go back to studying. I am a huge fan of the Open University (take a look at their site for more info - www.open.ac.uk) and have taken all kinds of courses with them over the last 10 years. Ancient history is my main fascination and they allowed me the freedom to study while making money too. In the meantime it is back to the rainbow of colours in my acrylic paint tubes. If I come up with something that I think is worth putting on the site I shall do. This afternoon I shall be creating an almost late Christmas card and decorating some 1x1 inch squares in altered style. Beats the last minute Christmas rush to the shops.